Tired of Being Good? Do These Things to Become an Asshole
What’s up, people? Today in Blogs of Bullshit, we teach you how to become an asshole.
Becoming an asshole is not as simple as it sounds. However, some people overcome the odds and become the ultimate asshole; as a matter of fact, it is all about the struggles and the pride of being one. Being a good person isn’t hard at all, especially when everybody’s praising you. But the other way around, becoming an asshole comes with a lot of sacrifices. However, it shows that you are strong, as you become yourself and don’t give a f*** about what people have to say. Blah Blah Blah, this psychological and emotional bullshit is very bullshity for even the blogs of bullshit, so let’s not waste our time and check out these ways which you can use to become an asshole.
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How to Be an Asshole in Life
- Propose your girlfriend with one of these genius marriage proposal ideas.
- Call people in the night at 1 A.M while they are definitely sleeping. You can call a random person or someone you know, it doesn’t matter.
- Laugh at people every time they trip and fall.
- Slurp and make noises when you are eating in a restaurant.
- Steal the neighbor’s milk or newspaper. Do it very often.
- Tell a girl she is fat.
- Tell your friends they are ugly.
- Tell whatever is in your mind.
- Put your headphones in your ears and listen to rap music. Sing it along very loud in a public bus.
- Wear the same socks for a week and when going to somebody’s house, don’t open it.
- Every night before going to sleep, put on some metal music and turn the volume very loud. You don’t want people to sleep before you if you are an asshole.
- Do the same the first thing you wake up in the morning.
- Deliberately take bad pictures of people you know. Then upload those pictures tagging them on facebook or other social media without asking them first.
- Never say Sorry or Thank You.
- Go to a restaurant, eat some delicious food and while going out, tell out aloud that the food was very bad and there was some hair in it.
- Troll everyone you know through social media.
How to Become an Asshole in Work
- Steal people’s lunch at work. Then say, “that? Oh yes, I ate it but it wasn’t so tasty, so I had to throw some of it away.”
- Have a good conversation with a workmate. But during the middle tell them to stay away from a little because their breath stinks.
- You can become an even bigger asshole if you tell this so loud that everyone in the office hears you.
- While your boss is inspecting the workplace, ask one your of workmates if he deleted the porn that he downloaded earlier.
- Steal your workmate’s pens. If you think it is too extreme, just throw away their pen caps.
- Don’t flush the toilet.
- Touch your workmate’s paperwork with dirty hands.
- Never help anyone when they ask you for your help. Tell them you are in the office to work and make money for yourself, not them.
- Every time you do something wrong and the boss wants an answer, always blame it on somebody else.
- Borrow someone’s things, but don’t ever return them. Until and unless they themselves come to your table.
- Record yourself yelling and cursing and put it as your ringtone. And never put your phone on silent when you are in a meeting.
- Spill coffee knowingly.
- If someone asks to borrow your stuff, rudely say no.
- Buy a newspaper and take it to your office. And when someone asks for it, tell them to get their own.
How to Become an Asshole During School
These tips might also help you if you are looking to be an asshole in college.
- Always act like you are the coolest person you have ever known.
- Call your teachers with their first name.
- Never listen to anybody else.
- Tell them they are ugly if you think they are ugly.
- Never make friends.
- Laugh whenever something bad happens to someone else.
- Doodle while the teacher’s teaching something.
- If he/she asks what the problem is, tell that the subject is cool, but the way they are teaching is absurdly boring.
- Touch someone and say, “dude move away. Now I need to wash my hands.” Of course, more the people hear it, better it is.
- In the cafeteria, yell that the girl beside your chair farted. Even if she didn’t.
- Eat crackers during class and put the wrapper in a friend’s bag.
- Steal someone’s belonging and put in some other classmate’s bag.
- When a girl passes by, tell someone this such that the girl can hear you, “this is the girl that “add the name” called fat, right?”
- Write stuff on the board when teachers not in the class.
Remember that this is a funny blog, so don’t blame us if you do become a jerk after reading this. We just wrote it for entertainment purposes.
Reading how to become an asshole is definitely fun, but being one is not. Well, you can be an asshole if you want to, but ensure that you don’t hurt anyone in the process.